


Amor In Tenebris

by morewinepls



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bits of fluff, F/M, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morewinepls/pseuds/morewinepls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucissa one-shots. None of the chapters are in any way connected, unless otherwise mentioned.</p>
<p>Leave a prompt in the comments!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Narcissa's relationship with her hair

Narcissa Black had always been ashamed of her blonde hair. Ever since she was old enough to understand how much her different looks defined her, she had hated it.

She had hated her blonde tresses, her blue eyes and her too pale skin.

She had hated how different she was.

After all, Bella and Andromeda had the looks that resembled their family name: Black. The dark hair, the dark eyes, the charming features...

Her being the youngest hadn't helped either.

 

Bella wasn't very kind. Not like Andromeda was. Where Bellatrix was rounded and well-curved, Narcissa was flat and underdeveloped. Andromeda kept telling her that that was because she was still young, and had yet to grow into a woman. But Bella had laughed and told her that she would _never_ be as beautiful.

How could she, with her being so _different._

 

When she had gotten her invitation from Hogwarts, she had considered throwing it into the fireplace. She didn't want to be at the same school as her eldest sister was. She didn't want Bella to humiliate her in front of the entire school.

The eleven years old blonde had begged her parents to _please_ let her stay home, but Druella and Cygnus had just dismissed her with an uninterested wave.

 

The night before she would leave for Hogwarts, she had tried to change her hair into a darker colour, but had only managed to summon tiny sparks out of her new wand and setting the flowers next to her mirror on fire. Panicking, she had called for Andromeda, who would start her fourth year.  The brunette had immediately put out the fire and swooped her little sister into her arms.

"Cissa what happened?!" She had asked, checking for injuries. Narcissa liked Meda the best out of all her family. Meda and Regulus. They were never mean to her, unlike everyone else. Even papa and mama.

The little blonde had sniffed, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

"I tried to change my- my hair but I don't really know how to do it yet."

Andromeda had sighed.

"Oh, Cissa. There's no need for you to change your hair!"

"But it's ugly!" Narcissa had exclaimed, harder than she had intended. She lowered her voice. "What will they say at school? A Black with blonde hair and blue eyes?"

"They w-"

"They'll say I'm probably not a _real_ Black anyways. That's what Bella always says. And- And what if they accused mother of sleeping with someone else?"

She had hissed the last part, not wanting anyone to overhear their conversation.

"Oh, don't look so shocked." Narcissa had scowled. "I know what some people say. I heard them talking at some of mother's parties. One of them even touched my hair! And Bella is very smart, so she must know what she's talking about, right?"

Andromeda had just sighed again and kissed her forehead.

"There's no need for you to worry about what others say of you. They're not worthy of your attention. And who knows, maybe they'll like you for being so different. After all, being different doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing."

Narcissa had only frowned.

"I'm sure you'll fit in quite nicely. And don't listen to Bella, okay? She has no idea what she's talking about."

 

But the second the Sorting Hat had called out her name and she had stepped forwards, Meda's words had left her. The hall was filled with hushed voices. From her seat she had seen Bella's friends laughing. The brunette herself just scowling at her, looking even somewhat ashamed of her little sister. Andromeda's face had been hidden behind other students, and Narcissa had felt the tears in her eyes.

_You're a Black, for Christ's sake. Get yourself together!_

The hat had shouted SLYTHERIN almost immediately and the scrawny blonde had sped off towards the Slytherin table, sitting down next to Andromeda. She tried to ignore the stares and had turned to her older sister, but Andromeda wasn't looking at her.

Instead she had been focussed on the Gryffindor table. On one boy in particular.

Yeah, Andromeda hadn't been much help at school.

 

It wasn't until she was in her fourth year that she finally felt like she could breathe. Bella had graduated from Hogwarts and was up to God knows what. Andromeda was in her last year and was already focused and studying for her NEWTs, meaning that Narcissa finally felt like she didn't have to live up to her sisters' expectations.

At least for most of the times.

There still were the occasional whispers and comments. Mostly from people who were close to (or afraid of) Bellatrix. Because she _indeed didn't look like a Black._

Now she was way better at letting the comments slide. She knew that she was her parents' child. She had, with the help of a few friends, secretly performed a genetics spell. Even though it hadn't explained her looks, it had confirmed what she knew to be true.

She was Narcissa Black

with the not-so-Black looks.

 

When Andromeda had been disowned for falling in love with a mudblood, and had chosen him over her own family, over _her,_ Narcissa had been terrified. Because a war had started. A Dark Lord, known as Lord Voldemort, had taken power. Bellatrix his most loyal servant.

The eldest Black sister was, along the war, losing her mind. Meaning that now being the only daughter left, she had to be perfect.

But what does a fifteen years old know about being perfect when said fifteen years old had been told that she was anything but during her entire life?

Narcissa tried. And was quite successful. She was one of the best in her class and behaved accordingly. She never spoke with anyone who wasn't a pureblood and held up a cold demeanor. Head held high and shoulders back. She pulled her hair into a graceful bun everyday, pinning it down securely so it wouldn't get in her way. (and wouldn't show too much)

She had to be perfect.

Any imperfections were punished.

 

The second she graduated from Hogwarts her parents married her off to Lucius Malfoy. She'd only seen him a couple of times, considering that he was (however in Slytherin) one year above her. She knew him to be quiet and cold. He could be cruel and didn't care about what anyone thought of him. Narcissa had met his parents multiple times on her mother and father's parties, but they had never shown much interest in her.

Perhaps they had been planning on letting Lucius marry Andromeda. No way that that was going to happen now.

When she had asked her parents why she had to marry already - _But mother I am too young to marry! I'm not even eighteen!-_ They had only said that the Malfoys were both rich and very powerful. Perfect for awful tidings like these. And not to mention that, just like their house, the Malfoys were purebloods.

 

Lucius Malfoy had been kind enough. He was distant in the beginning, not quite sure how to deal with her. She had mood-swings. Terrible mood-swings that would sometimes leave her in tears. Lucius didn't ask what was causing them, or even what they were about. It wasn't his business.

But over the years they grew closer: fell in love. Whenever Lucius wasn't away fighting for the Dark Lord, they would just sit together, enjoying each other's company or talk about little nothings.

Lucius loved her hair, and he never failed to remind her. He said it was just like his own, but even more beautiful. He sometimes played with it, curling strands around his finger or just simply combing his fingers through the blonde tresses.

And when their little boy, their perfect little Draco, was born, and she saw his gorgeous blonde hair, she finally felt like she belonged. After years and years of feeling like an outcast, of feeling excluded from her own family just because of her looks, she finally could say that she looked like her family.

With their blonde hair and light eyes, they were easily recognized everywhere.

For the first time in 25 years, Narcissa Malfoy found herself liking her blonde hair.


	2. Lucius after Azkaban

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucius isn't himself after Voldemort released him from Azkaban and Narcissa doesn't know what to do.

They could have warned her. They could have, but they didn't.

She knew Azkaban was bad. She knew about what the dementors were capable of, but she wasn't prepared.

Not for this,

For days now, Lucius had remained in bed, unresponsive. She hardly recognized him: his cheeks hollow and his eyes surrounded by deep purple circles. His skin was dry and his hair matted. So unlike it used to be.

She told him stories, read him the letters that Draco sent them from Hogwarts, told him about how much she had missed him, but no response ever came.

"Guess what happened today." She said in a soft voice, lying down next to him. She places a delicate hand on his chest and folded one leg between his. "Bellatrix came by. To check up on you, she said. But I sent her away." The blonde sighed. "She left, then. Wouldn't even stay for tea."

Lucius, as always, remained completely still. The only indications of him being alive were the shallow rise and fall of his chest and his blinking. Her heart broke for him.

"You must get better, my love." She whispered. "I need you here when the war truly breaks out. I need you to be okay." She stroked his hair from his face, trying to capture his eyes but he only flinched. "And Draco. He misses you. I... I haven't told him yet. He knows you're back, but..." She bit her lip, trying to keep the oncoming breakdown at bay.

"Besides" She said, trying to sound lighter. "Who's going to lend me a jacket when I'm cold outside, now that you won't be able to join me? I've been freezing for days now."

Closing her eyes, Narcissa Malfoy placed a gently kiss on her husband's cheek and slowly untangled herself from him.

"I love you so much, my darling." She whispered, gazing down at him. She didn't even know if he could hear her, but she hoped he did.

Hoped it would give him strength.

Because the Dark Lord must have had a reason to break his servants out of Azkaban. He was planning an attack.

At least Bella had been decent enough to mention that the Malfoy manor, her _home,_ was going to be the Death Eater's headquarter. She needed Lucius for that.

 

This time she kissed him on the lips, which were cold. Cold like the rest of him.

Without another word, she made her way out of his, _their,_ room. The second the door closed, she let the tears fall. She never stopped walking, though. With her head held high, she made her way over to Draco's room, which was clean as ever.

She sat down on his bed and placed his pillow on her lap. Was he even safe at Hogwarts? She was sure that Voldemort had plans with her son. Her sweet boy.

She pressed the pillow against her face and let out a hoarse scream, tears flowing more easily now.

Their master had ruined her husband, ruined her family, her pride, her wealth, her dignity. He had ruined the respect they got, the influence they had.

Now they were nothing more than a disgraced family. They were seen as fools by both sides.

Fallen from grace, the _Daily Prophet_ had said, the picture of her and her son beneath it. Lucius was, too, his dead-like face gazing past the cameras.

She had thrown the damn thing into the fireplace before even reading the article.

The only hope she still had, was that Harry Potter would end this war before the Dark Lord could harm her family even more.


	3. Narcissa's First Kiss

Lucius Malfoy had no idea what to do. It was past midnight and his shift had just ended. As a prefect he did rounds, tonight being one of them.

He hadn't expected to return to the common room to find a blonde asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace, book on her lap.

The blonde was small, frame well curved but she was quite thin. She looked fragile, like this.

Oh, he knew who she was: Narcissa Black, an annoying, self-righteous girl who had the ability to make others cower and cry with only one glare.

Coincidently, he was head over heels in love with her.

 

Narcissa was one year below him, meaning she was now in her fourth. He stood there, watching her chest rise and fall, her blonde hair covering part of her face.

Should he wake her? Should he send her to bed? Or should he let her sleep? She must have been exhausted to fall asleep on the uncomfortable couch. Not to mention that sleeping downstairs wasn't allowed, and Narcissa wasn't someone who would intentionally break the rules.

Sighing softly, Lucius made his way over to her, carefully taking the book from her lap. It was a book on legilimensy and occlumensy. He frowned. That wasn't something the fourth years were taught. Why would she be studying it?

Deciding that it was a question for later, he put the book away and cleared his throat, hoping it would wake her up without making things _too_ awkward. When she didn't wake, he did it again, this time louder. Again, nothing.

He silently cursed himself. He didn't want to touch her, too afraid of how she would react.

_Malfoys don't get scared._

He reminded himself, but he found Narcissa very intimidating. Perhaps not while she was sleeping, though. In her sleep she looked way younger than she usually appeared to be. She had this almost child-like energy, like an angle. With those golden locks and blue eyes and pale, pale skin...

Shaking his head to gather his thoughts, he leaned over her and gently shook her away while hissing her name.

There was a soft 'wha-' and then she shot upright, clearly startled by the figure looming over her. Unfortunately for them both, her head clashed with his and soon they were both gripping their faces with a grimace. While Narcissa seemed to be fine, Lucius' nose was bleeding.

"shite." The blonde mumbled as she took out her wand. She pointed it at his nose. "Episky." She said clearly, though her voice was slightly hoarse from sleep.

His nose flared hot but then the pain vanished completely. "I am _so_ sorry." Narcissa said, frown on her face as she inspected his nose to see if it was truly healed.

"Oh, ehm. Don't worry about it." He said. "I shouldn't have been towering over you."

Narcissa shook her head and took out a handkerchief from her pocket. She started to clean up the blood from his face without second thought.

Lucius felt lightheaded. She was so close, the perfume that she had been wearing that day was, however waning, still pleasant and he couldn't help but scoot a little closer.

"What were you doing down here anyways?" He asked as she finished cleaning.

"I must have fallen asleep while reading." She said with a well-composed shrug. "I honestly didn't intend to fall asleep on that wretched couch."

Lucius just nodded.

"I, eh." He started. He could feel his face reddening slightly. She was rubbing a delicate pink along the corner of her mouth to wipe away moist and he forgot what he was going to say.

"You, what?" Narcissa prompted, but she got no response.

"Lucius?" She asked carefully.

"Can I be bold?" He asked then, face still alight.

"Can I stop you?"  The blonde retorted with a small smile. But before she could utter anything else, his lips were on hers. Narcissa pulled away at once, shock evident on her face. She was blushing, eyes wide.

"What are y- what!?" She asked, voice lowered to a hiss. But Lucius wasn't looking at her. He was looking at anything but her. He seemed to be upset. Angry even. Most likely with himself.

"You know." Narcissa said after an awkward pause. "Next time you do that, a warning would be nice."

Now he did look at her, confusion painting his features.

"Next time?"

"Yes, Malfoy. Next ti- oh, come on. Don't give me those eyes. I'm not overly pleased with you. It took you long enough to come onto me." She smiled while she said it, not sounding anything but gleeful.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Lucius asked. "I thought you disliked me!"

Narcissa rolled her eyes with a soft 'men' and pulled the silver-haired prefect tout against her, crashing his lips against hers to shut him up.


	4. Feeding Draco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucius and Narcissa try to feed baby Draco.

Narcissa wasn't exactly happy with the healer right now. She hadn't been for five days.

The woman kept insisting for baby Draco to start on solid foods, but Narcissa wanted to wait. The healer had told them that at six months, solid foods were allowed, and that it would help develop his body. The blonde mother had scoffed. Of course the healer had managed to convince Lucius about the matter. He, after all, wanted a strong boy.

But Narcissa would have none of it. There was no way in hell that she would stop breastfeeding while her breasts were still so achingly full.

 

Yet here they were, sitting at the table. Draco was sitting next to his mother, while Lucius sat across them. It was day 3 of feeding Draco solid and semi-solid foods and Narcissa felt like her breasts were about to burst.

"Come on, Draco.." She sighed, holding out a spoon of mashed bananas. Her son paid it no attention. He was grabbing for her hair with one hand and for the spoon with the other, his tiny fists clenching and unclenching. He gave a sudden hard tug and the spoon clattered to the floor. She glared at her husband's snort.

"Why don't you do it." She snapped in annoyance.

"Because y-"

"If you think you can do it better why don't you come over here."

"I- Of course." He got up. He knew Narcissa wasn't happy with feeding Draco solid foods. She was upset, he noticed, so going against her wishes right now wouldn't be very wise.

The blonde rose from her seat so Lucius could sit down. She sat down three seats away from them. She accio'd her coffee and held it between her hands with a frustrated sigh. Everything hurt: her back, her legs, her head, her feet, her breasts.

Ugh, her breasts. Narcissa cupped one gently, though winced, and started to massage it carefully. The healer had recommended breasts pumps, whatever they might be, but she had found none in the nearest shops. Upon return to St. Mungos, she had learned that they were used in the muggle world.

So far for breast pumps.

Draco gave a loud shriek, causing the blonde to look up. The boy had managed to spill some food on his father's chest and he couldn't be more amused. Lucius, on the other hand, was less amused. Narcissa couldn't help but chuckle. She got up and sat down on the other side of her baby.

"You do enjoy making a mess, don't you?" she said, smiling. The tiny blonde just laughed and reached for her hair, puffing out his puffy, rosy cheeks.

"He loves your hair as much as I do." Lucius stated. Narcissa huffed.

"He definitely gets his stubborn qualities from you, my darling." She teased. "A true Malfoy, that one."

Lucius played insulted. "Me? Stubborn? Ha! no, Cissy, I think that's all you."

Draco had now gotten hold of Lucius's hair and gave it, along with his mother's hair, a hard pull. The little Malfoy fell into a fit of giggles.

Lucius and Narcissa couldn't help but join.


	5. Narcissa has Apnea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Narcissa has apnea and Lucius doesn't sleep because of it. Narcissa finds out.

He hasn't slept longer than two hours a night for almost eight weeks. Eight weeks of putting a glamour charm on every morning to hide how terribly tired he is.

He doesn't want Narcissa to find out. She would blame herself and she already has enough to worry about.

Like breathing, per example.

The healers at St. Mungo's had diagnosed his wife with central sleeping apnea after Draco's birth. Though not glad for what led to her prolonged hospitalization, he was glad that the healers had noticed it. He wouldn't have known what he would have done had he not known.

Narcissa nearly died giving birth to Draco. The bleeding wouldn't stop and her blood pressure was dropping dangerously. She passed out more than once. But the first night in the hospital, when she was fully monitored, the healer had been alarmed to notice that the blonde had stopped breathing. Waking her up didn't work, so he was just about to ready Narcissa for intubation when said woman started breathing again, gasping in bouts of air. She never woke.

The healer, after a quick check-up, told Lucius that his wife had this form of apnea, and explained the details and tell-tale signs: The brain would momentarily fail to send 'reminders' to the lungs to breathe. Normally it should last 10 to 20 seconds. He told him what to do and what not to do, and Lucius had tried his best to memorize it all.

Narcissa hadn't been too concerned about the matter. All she cared about was that her baby boy was safe.

 

The following weeks had been hell for Lucius. He wanted Narcissa to take it easy, but she did anything but. Instead of resting, she would be up and about. When she was supposed to take a break, all she seemed to do was either buzzing around with their son or taking a walk to the gardens, no matter how tired she was.

He'd lost his temper about it, yelling at her for her carelessness, causing Draco to burst out in high-pitched sobs. She had just shaken her head and scooped up the tiny blond, walking away. Lucius had been careful to approach the subject tactfully from then on.

Narcissa kept insisting that she was fine, if not still a bit sore from Draco's birth. But Lucius knew better.

He knew how much she struggled for air. Not only a night.

Her lungs had always been rather weak, a nasty after-effect from all the corsets she'd been forced into since she was a little girl and being born a month prematurely.

At night, Lucius would lay as still as he could, listening to her breathing pattern and when she would stop breathing, he would time it. There was no good in trying to get her to breathe. She would have to do that on her own. It happened about six to thirteen times an hour, which terrified the blond. He stayed awake as long as he could. Should something happen, he'd be able to send for a healer as fast as he could.

They had hired a wetnurse who would take care of Draco at night. Narcissa had been against the idea, but had eventually agreed.

 

When the glamours were put in place, he made his way downstairs. Narcissa was already sitting at the table, Draco on her lap. The elves were setting the table, hurrying when they saw their master approach.

"Goodmorning, love." The blonde said with a smile. Smiling was something she rarely did in public, and it felt nice to be able to do it whenever they were safely in their home.

"Morning, Cissy." He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before scooping his son from his wife's lap and holding him up in the air, causing the baby to giggle and reach out for his father's face. Lucius smiled and handed him back to the blonde, who wasn't smiling anymore.

"What is it?" He asked, worried. "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" she asked, worry evident in her voice.

"Of course. Why do you ask?" Narcissa's frown deepened.

"Your eyes, love."

He frowned, too. What about his eyes? He asked her.

"They're.. red and dark. Darling... Have- Have you been sleeping alright?" She rose, getting close to him after putting Draco safely on the ground and put her hands on her husband's cheeks. "Good lord. Lucius!"

His glamours were somehow fading. Had he not done them properly? Perhaps he had just been too exhausted.

"It's nothing." He assured her. "I promise. Just a bit tired."

"Tired?!" Narcissa shrieked. "You look like you haven't slept in ages! Oh, Lucius... This is because of me, isn't it?"

"Don't say that." He held her elbows gently.

"I've been keeping you awake!" She continued. "How long have you been hiding this from me?"

Seeing no gain in lying to her, he told her the truth. She let out a deep breath.

"I am _so_ sorry, my love." She whispered. "If I had known, I would've told you that there was no need."

"But there is. You goddamn stop breathing, Cissy. You stop. Breathing. How can you expect me to rest while you might die right next to me?"

"The healer-"

"If it were Draco-" He interrupted. "-If Draco would stop breathing ten times an hour for what seems like centuries, would you sleep, or would you watch over him?"

"I- that's different. He's a baby! I can handle myself."

"I know you can." Lucius said softly. "But I worry. What if there's a time when you don't pick up breathing again?"

Narcissa looked down. "That won't happen."

"You don-"

"I promise. Okay?"

Lucius sighed. "I'll try to sleep for a moment tonight, alright? But not for too long." Narcissa nodded and kissed him carefully, tiptoeing to reach his lips.

"Thank you, my dear. Perhaps.. Perhaps a nap after breakfast?" Lucius chuckled. A nap sounded like a heavenly idea right now. The blonde sat her son back onto her lap and nodded at her husband.

"I swear to you, Lucius." She began. "I won't leave you."

"Never." He stated.

"Never." She repeated, a smile dangling on her lips.


End file.
